/* This JavaScript (Random quotes) developed by Scott Clark
The Source is available at http://www.clarksco.com/blog/
Copyright 2005 Clark Consulting */

var num_of_quotes3 = 51;
quotes3 = Math.floor (num_of_quotes3 * Math.random());

if(quotes3==0) {
body3="Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"";
}
if(quotes3==1) {
body3="It's no coincidence that "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."";
}
if(quotes3==2) {
body3="<strong>Q:</strong> What's the quietest place in the world?<br /><strong>A:</strong> The complaint department at the parachute packing plant";
}
if(quotes3==3) {
body3="The philosophy to NOT working out is, &quot;No pain. No pain.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==4) {
body3="A husband said, &quot;The doctor gave me some pills yesterday to improve my memory.&quot; &quot;So?&quot; said his wife. &quot;Well, I forgot to take them!&quot; replied the husband.";
}
if(quotes3==5) {
body3="<strong>Charlie:</strong> &quot;My wife has the worst memory ever.&quot;<br /><strong>Tom:</strong> &quot;She forgets everything, huh?&quot;<br /><strong>Charlie:</strong> &quot;No, she REMEMBERS everything!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==6) {
body3="Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.";
}
if(quotes3==7) {
body3="A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, &quot;I'll serve you, but don't start anything.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==8) {
body3="Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.";
}
if(quotes3==9) {
body3="A dyslexic man walks into a bra.";
}
if(quotes3==10) {
body3="A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: &quot;A beer please, and one for the road.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==11) {
body3="Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: &quot;Does this taste funny to you?&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==12) {
body3="&quot;Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'&quot; &quot;That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.&quot; &quot;Is it common?&quot; Well, &quot;It's Not Unusual.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==13) {
body3="Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, &quot;I was artificially inseminated this morning.&quot; &quot;I don't believe you,&quot; says Dolly. &quot;It's true, no bull!&quot; exclaims Daisy.";
}
if(quotes3==14) {
body3="An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.";
}
if(quotes3==15) {
body3="Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.";
}
if(quotes3==16) {
body3="I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.";
}
if(quotes3==17) {
body3="A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, &quot;Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!&quot; The doctor replied, &quot;I know you can't &#8212; I've cut off your arms!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==18) {
body3="I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.";
}
if(quotes3==19) {
body3="What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.";
}
if(quotes3==20) {
body3="Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says &quot;Dam!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==21) {
body3="Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.";
}
if(quotes3==22) {
body3="A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. &quot;But why,&quot; they asked, as they moved off. &quot;Because&quot;, he said, &quot;I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==23) {
body3="A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named &quot;Ahmal.&quot; The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him &quot;Juan.&quot; Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, &quot;They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==24) {
body3="Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.";
}
if(quotes3==25) {
body3="There was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.";
}
if(quotes3==26) {
body3="<strong>Q:</strong> What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?<br /><strong>A:</strong> Outlaws are wanted!";
}
if(quotes3==27) {
body3="A young boy called to his mother from the yard, &quot;Mom, would you rather me fall out of a tree and break my arm or just tear a hole in my Sunday slacks?&quot; &quot;Well,&quot; she replied, &quot;I guess I'd pray that you just ripped your pants.&quot; The kid yells back, &quot;You're prayers have been answered!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==28) {
body3="An unfortunate soul fell off the ferry as it crossed the ice-cold waters of Chesapeake Bay. &quot;Save me! Save me!&quot; he called, &quot;I've got eight kids!&quot; &quot;Quit bragging!&quot; a passenger called back.";
}
if(quotes3==29) {
body3="Like the male porcupine said to his sweetheart, &quot;I love you, I truly do. But I just can't take getting hurt again.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==30) {
body3="I know a guy who gave his secretary a new mink coat for her birthday. He hopes it keeps her warm &#8212; and REALLY hopes it keeps her quiet!";
}
if(quotes3==31) {
body3="A man was on trial and the case was starting. &quot;Order in the court!&quot; demanded the judge. The defendant says, &quot;I'll take a club sandwich!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==32) {
body3="A guy goes to the dentist and says, &quot;How much to get these two teeth pulled?&quot;<br />&quot;$80 a tooth,&quot; he replies.<br />&quot;For two minutes work! That's crazy!&quot; said the patient.<br />&quot;Trust me,&quot; said the dentist, &quot;You don't want me to do it any slower.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==33) {
body3="A teacher asked her students, &quot;What comes after 'O'?&quot;<br />&quot;Yeah!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==34) {
body3="He wasn't a very good salesman &#8212; the only 3 orders he'd gotten this week were &quot;Get Out!&quot; &quot;Stay Out!&quot; and &quot;Don't Ever Come Back!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==35) {
body3="A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. &quot;Where were you between five and six?&quot; he asked.<br />&quot;In kindergarten!&quot; he replied.";
}
if(quotes3==36) {
body3="Billy asked his girlfriend to wed. She discussed it with her mother. &quot;Billy has given me every single thing I've ever asked for,&quot; she said.<br />&quot;You're not asking for enough!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==37) {
body3="A boy wrote home from summer camp: &quot;Please send me some food. They only serve meals here!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==38) {
body3="He had a great rabbit punch. 'Course, punching rabbits did get him fined for animal cruelty.";
}
if(quotes3==39) {
body3="&quot;Doctor, my ears are ringing!&quot;<br />&quot;Whatever you do, don't answer it!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==40) {
body3="She left him because he had a will of his own. And it wasn't made out to her!";
}
if(quotes3==41) {
body3="A guy goes in to see a psychiatrist. &quot;Hey Doc,&quot; he says. &quot;I can't seem to make any friends. Can you help me, you stupid jerk?&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==42) {
body3="Two newlyweds are in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night. While the wife is in the bathroom, the husband says to himself, &quot;How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?&quot; With that he throws his socks under the bed. The wife walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, the husband runs past into the bathroom. The wife sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, &quot;How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him.&quot; Just as the husband walks out, the wife runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, &quot;Honey, I've got to tell you something.&quot; The husband says, &quot;Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==43) {
body3="&quot;Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is.&quot; Kathy said. Chuck asked her what it was, and she told him there was water in the carburetor. Chuck thought for a moment, then said, &quot;You know, I don't mean to be offensive, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator.&quot; &quot;No, there's definitely water in the carburetor,&quot; Kathy insisted. &quot;OK Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?&quot; &quot;In the lake!&quot; she said.";
}
if(quotes3==44) {
body3="Man: &quot;Waiter, the portions here seem to be a lot smaller lately!&quot;<br />Waiter: &quot;That's just an optical illusion, sir. Now that the restaurant has been enlarged, they only look smaller!";
}
if(quotes3==45) {
body3="A woman walked into her small-town pharmacy and asked the pharmacist for cyanide to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big, and he said, &quot;Good grief, lady! I can't give you cyanide for your husband! I'll lose my license, and they'll throw both of us in jail! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!&quot; The lady then reached into her purse and pulled out a photograph of her husband in a compromising position with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, &quot;Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==46) {
body3="Two young boys were fishing in a secluded pond. Suddenly, the game warden jumped out of the bushes. The younger boy took off like rocket and huffing and puffing, the game warden followed in hot pursuit. Finally, he caught the boy about a quarter-mile down the dirt road. When the young fellow produced a valid fishing license, the out-of-breath game warden was positively flummoxed. &quot;Son, you must be dumb as a box of hammers to run all this way even though you've got a license,&quot; he said.<br /><br />&quot;Maybe so, sir,&quot; the boy agreed. &quot;But my friend way back there, well, he don't have one!&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==47) {
body3="A man told his friend, &quot;I just bought a new hearing aid. Cost me an arm and a leg but it's state of the art.&quot;<br /><br />&quot;Really,&quot; answered his friend. &quot;What kind is it?&quot;<br /><br />&quot;Twelve-thirty.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==48) {
body3="If at first, you don't succeed... then skydiving is not for you.";
}
if(quotes3==49) {
body3="This big-time rancher from Texas met a Missouri farmer on a business trip.<br /><br />The Texas rancher bragged, &quot;I can get in my truck, drive all day, and never cross the boundry of my ranch!&quot;<br /><br />&quot;Yep,&quot; replied the little Missouri farmer, &quot;I had a truck like that once, too.&quot;";
}
if(quotes3==50) {
body3="A man confided to his friend, &quot;I've been seeing spots.&quot;<br /><br />&quot;Have you seen a doctor?&quot; asks his friend.<br /><br />&quot;No! Like I said, just spots!&quot;";
}

document.write(''+ body3 +'');